Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Still got it, jack ass

Hey tall guy at the grocery store,

I want to thank you. I didn't expect much more from my frantic lunch hour grocery store trip than milk with dinner. Your dramatic, rubber necking turn out of the peanut aisle and over to the dairy section where I was standing was unexpected. It was really kind of awesome to know with absolute certainty that I was being checked out.

You were no good ole boy toting Milwaukee's Best and cheese doodles either, you actually had real food in your basket and wore clothes clearly purchased in this decade. You weren't my type, but I'm not embarrassed to say that I had a spring in my step as I crossed to my cart. You smiled at me when you saw that my cart was actually 8 feet of bright red and yellow truck steered by two little girls clutching character toothbrushes. You went your way as I went mine. It was a perfect exchange, nothing untoward, just a dose of grocery store flattery.

What was seriously not cool was the look you gave me when you saw me at the check out. You were clearly working your mojo to great effect on the sample girl hocking ham roll ups. I was cooing at the girls as I loaded the items from the cart onto the conveyor belt. All was good, then, as I reached for the organic red peppers in the bottom of my cart my red top lifted to reveal the hint of a pregnant belly. I'll give you the fact that you managed not to choke on the ham roll up that was clearly fighting its way back up your esophagus at the urging of your brain. The sudden realization that you'd ogled a pregnant chick was more than you could handle. I think you might have actually shuddered.

Not cool, not cool at all.

-The pregnant chick with the-still-fine-ass

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16 comments:

Mrs. Chicken said...

*snort*

Good for you, honey!

BetteJo said...

Oh, doesn't that man know there is nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman? He can only dream of being with someone so gorgeous as that pregnant creature in her panties on her bed looking in her mirror. If he could only see that picture - maybe he would understand.

But I doubt it. Ugh.

sha said...

That is hilarious, I laughed out loud. It is ok to scope out a hot mama, but not a perspective mama?

Lisa Milton said...

Mrs. Still Fine Ass - good for you. I knew you still had it going on.

(He must be one of those fellas that are freaked out by pregnancy. Seriously his loss as he shops all on his lonesome.)

Gloria said...

Hahaha, you go mama!

flutter said...

fine ass and bad ass, I totally knew.

Lara said...

rock on, you fine pregnant hottie. :)

Ashleigh said...

Ha Ha, Its rare that I actually laugh out loud after reading a post, but you managed it! Sooo funny!

The Hotfessional said...

hee! Mr. Hot would so ogle you. He loves pregnant women. Says nothing's hotter. Well, except me, but y'know, he'd better say that. I can still kick his ass.

Janet said...

Work it!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

You go girl!

Crabmommy said...

Amanda, you milf, you! And you know, those ham samples can get a little dry and stick in the throat. It's not rounded tum-tums that do it.

Speaking of tum-tums at grocery stores I will soon be posting @cookiemag about the GAWD-awful moment I had at the register a month or two ago: I ran into an acquaintance who stared at my post-partum mom-flap while I reached to load the groceries onto the conveyor belt...and...she actually half-asked me if I was pregnant. As in, [Are you....?" embarrassed trailing off]. And the answer is no. No I am not. I just spend too much time blogging. And I enjoy a fistful of gummi bears or three. And my God do you ever have a cheek to ask, your rather rounded new mother yourself! (Can you believe it? A new mom asking such a question!)

Grocery stores. The dazzling highs and the rock-bottom lows.

Damselfly said...

Hahaha! Serves 'm right.

Kimberly said...

Haha! Excellent.

Sexy Housewife said...

Awesome!

I got carded at the liquor store last month!

Christine said...

work it you hot mama!