I've been a bad blogger, staying away from the keyboard, or worse, approaching it and laying the laptop gently in my lap, my fingers poised dramatically and then...nothing. My well has been dry for some time now as I float between a toddler on the verge of becoming a girl, a baby sprinting toward kid status and the bump in my belly tugging and cramping.
Do I share how I fear Avery will soon turn away from my breast, but then throws me for a bittersweet loop as she suckles and pulls me toward her, pudgy fingers clasping the back of my neck and a silky cheek pressed against mine?
Do I tell you that Briar is pulling herself onto the potty herself, that she is saying things like, "I don't think so, but thank you anyway, mom,"?
Do I spill my fears about the baby growing inside me? Do I finally talk about the midwife telling me that they had found two sacs, but that one was "looking like nothing more than a blood clot,"?
I don't know where to begin, and some days I feel like something ended without me. I've not raced to pour my heart out, yet it is all still here, my love of words and of sharing. My connection to strangers who have become friends. Outside of my relationships I have simply never loved something as my much as I do this place, this blog of mine, and the depths within me that it has allowed me to reach and know intimately.
And then came an email, a comment on this blog:
Now I am tagging you...sorry.
7 random things about yourself.
It was from the Sexy Housewife, a user name I love for its blatant refusal to give in to the mommy apathy of high waisted jeans and schlumpy tops and the idea of getting to stay home and focus on being a mom and a wife. I'm hanging in there by refusing to give in to elastic waist pants and anything from Christopher and Banks and by making sure that Sean and the girls come first, no matter what.
But back to the tag, I don't think I can articulate my gratitude for the lifeline that this tag has provided. I can no longer avoid posting, can no longer shrug my shoulders and say, "I can't, there's just nothing there." So for that, I am oh so grateful for this tag. And, in the spirit of bloggers everywhere who are afraid to assign something as potentially tedious as a tag on someone else, I would invite anyone suffering a similar blogging malaise to email me at briars_mama at yahoo dot com and I can officially tag you and perhaps help you out of the cavernous place you've become stuck.
And now, 7 random things about me:
1. I find Gordon Ramsey of Hell's Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares fame to be irresistible. I am not a fan of reality tv, but Gordon, well from Gordon, I simply cannot turn away.
2. My kryptonite is open-mouth chewing, when the smacking of tongue on roof of mouth becomes involved it is as close to torture as I could ever imagine.
3. I would be happy to live on cheese, granola bars and nuts. Forever, with the occasional addition of banana peppers and Greek Isle pita chips.
4. I am incapable of washing my face without soaking the entire counter, no matter the size of the sink.
5. I am usually very modest, but I think I kick ass in a meeting situation, speaking my mind, neutralizing (or creating, if the occasion calls for it) tension and finding a way to communicate a message to gain consensus and excitement.
6. Since we moved into our house in 2003 we have lived out of hampers. Our 115 year old house has pygmy closets and we have no dressers. It is an endless source of consternation and yet despite an ability to solve just about any problem, Sean and I are continually on our knees in defeat with regard to the insane, unmanageable nature of our clothing situation.
7. We do not eat food from drive thrus. Ever.
There you have it. May this be the first of many posts.