Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Fair Warning

Second only to blog entries about poop, this is a blog entry about toddlers and private parts, with a bathroom twist. Click away now if you prefer not to read this sort of thing.

Well?

Are you going away?

No?

Fine, don't say I didn't warn you.

I picked the girls up from the sitter's today after having lunch with Sean. Our forty minutes at the Bistro saw me consume approximately 48 ounces of impossibly delicious ice water and lemon. I thought fleetingly about popping into the ladies room before leaving, but decided I'd rather wait and be on time for pick-up.

Silly me. Silly, pregnant, over-watered me. No sooner had we walked out of the joint, then I felt the searing pain of a thousand daggers near my bladder. It was as if it had been 8 hours, rather than one, since I'd last used the facilities. I did that tell-tale, ginger stutter step as I tried to get to the car as fast as possible without jostling my midsection too much.

The drive to the sitter's is a blur of fervent please don't pee, please, just please don't pee, just hold it in, hold it in Amanda, you can do it muttering. I dashed into get the girls, the sitter wanting to chat and the girls wanting to show off and cavort with their note that talked about "peeing on the potty."

"Wow, honey, that's great. Mama needs to do just that. Let's get home."

So I shepherded them out to the car.

"Mama, have ya gotta pee?"

"Yes, sweetie, I do. Really bad."

"Really bad? Huh? Ya havta pee really bad?"

"Yes, honey, it hurts. Let's get home so we can get mama on the potty."

"Mama, ya gotta drive faster. Ya havta go pee really bad in case it hurts your vagina."

"Uh pee. Uh pee. Potty. Paw-teee!" Avery kicked and squawked exuberantly.

"Ok. Let's get home."

"Mama?"

"Yes, Briar?"

"Mama, will you get home and pee so your vagina doesn't get hurt and then call daddy so his peanuts are safe?"

Stumble Upon Toolbar

26 comments:

mammacheryl said...

That is too funny.

Colleen said...

Hysterical. You almost had me peeing in my pants too!

Janet said...

Honest mistake.

I called it "peanuts" up until last year.

slouching mom said...

Oh. My. GOD.

Maggie said...

oh. mah. gah!

TOO. MUCH.

chelle said...

hehehe

BetteJo said...

Oh their concern is so sweet! But these are the things small children repeat to other people - out of the blue - and embarrass you to death. Good luck with that part! :) :) :)

Boni said...

That's hilarious

Kerry said...

I busted out laughing I spit onto my computer screen! Way too funny.

flutter said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momma Bean said...

Ha! Hilarious!!

Trina said...

I don't know how you held it in until you got home with a comment like that! Dear god, I would have sprung a leak right then and there.

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha ha ha

Be Inspired Always said...

Oh my... LOL


Kids say the darnest things.



Jillian

Kelly said...

Does Sean know he's got 'peanuts?'

Christine said...

his peanuts! this was the laugh i needed today!

Pgoodness said...

LOL - that's great! (the kids, not you having to pee so badly!)

Damselfly said...

What?! Peanuts, bwahahaha!

Sexy Housewife said...

I remember about 7 months into the 3rd pregnancy taking a trip across town to my friend's house. I used the little girls' room before leaving home. It is only 20 minutes to her house and I had to stop at a gas station on the way! I never would have made it to her house without an accident.

Occidental Girl said...

I'm imagining the conversations in your house are pretty interesting! That was hilarious. Oh, man, why does the pee thing have to start so early in pregnancy? If I were in charge, I would change that!

bubandpie said...

I notice you actually omitted the ending - did you make it in time?

Cathy said...

Ack!!

Peeing and peanut safety.

That is too damn funny!

(I made that omg, going-to-make-it drive many times. usually, the bladder spoke up on my way to work, leaving me no choice but to rush by all my co-workers as I raced to the bathroom

Lisa said...

What?!?! Where DOES she get that stuff? That's pretty stinkin funny. Question is, did you then pee yourself because you were laughing so hard?

cate said...

ha! that last line almost made me spray my recently-gulped coke all over my iBook! too funny!

Sexy Housewife said...

Now I am tagging you...sorry.

7 random things about yourself.

Amy York said...

O.M.G. :)
Was that Diet Coke that just squirted out my nose??