Monday, June 22, 2009

I admit it, I watched

I have never watched a full episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, but tonight, the girls asleep and Sean at work, I watched. I kind of wish I hadn't. This parenting and marriage thing is not easy. I write about the beauty of my children and my life, and while I mean every word there is, of course a dark side. I have my eye-rolling moments or my wishing they would just for the love of all that is good go to bed moments.

None of us wants our foibles to be on display or to have someone weigh in on something based on their limited perspective. I've read the rants about the riches and perks, but at the end of the day it's still a marriage and kids. The amount of energy, commitment and perseverance needed is sobering.

Listening to their interviews I thought at one point as Jon talked about the divorce requiring communication and how it might help, "You bet it does dickhead, but so did marriage," and then I bit my tongue. Who the hell do I think I am to judge him. Sure he's on tv, sure he is annoyingly laidback and exudes a palpable air of "Whatever, my shit doesn't really stink," but he is also privy to so much that we don't know.

I want my marriage to work. I want not to screw things up for my girls, but there but for the grace of god I can see myself in this kind of failure. Kids are hard. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. It's also breathtakingly beautiful, but I don't believe there is a person out there who hasn't had one outweigh the other to the point that it sours you.

Tonight I am grateful that despite some times when it has seemed bleak and some nights when I thought I was truly not capable of making it through bedtime without screaming, my kids are sleeping and I miss my husband.

We have made it through another day. So tonight, after watching that show, I am reminded that it really is day by day and each one requires work, love and biting back things that you have no business saying.

Let's play nice and preserve the love that we can, eh?

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15 comments:

Crystal D said...

Making through bedtime without screaming is quiet an accomplishment (at least around my joint.)
I agree, it does take work, everyday and two people willing to put in what they thing is their unfair share and biting your tongue. Then when the work is done, you get a hug and a kiss for your effort and that is a priceless reward.

BetteJo said...

I watched, but then - I am a fan of the show. It's all very sad. I have said it so many times but sitting my kids down to tell them we were getting divorced still counts as the worst day of my life. That's what the show brought up for me, the memories of the pain, the anger, the hopelessness and the rawness of it all. It's a very American tragedy and so sad.

flutter said...

I feel horrible for those kids

Myshka said...

I love you for pointing out the other side to this situation, and trying not to judge. You see a multitude of sides to every story, and for that, I just want to hug you really really tight.

HaB said...

I was just telling a friend that other day that some days it is a toss up of what is the most difficult job I have - my real world job, Parenting or my marriage - or perpahs it trying to do the best in all three, all at the same time. It is all hard - no matter who you are.

Jon & Kate are just like any other couple that might live in your neighborhood. The unfortunate thing, is that their personal struggles and the deterioration of their marriage is taped, edited and then viewed by millions - but, at the end of the day, that is the choice that they made. They chose to live a life in the public eye and for every little thing they do to be picked apart, scruntized and critiqued.

Choices - life is about choices and choices have consequences.

thecheekofgod said...

I've never watched that show, and I never plan to . . .

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

As usual, spot on Amanda. I made Hubby sit and watch it with me. And both of us were soberly aware of how HARD a marriage and children are. It takes WORK.

But it's so worth it.

(And I also reminded Hubby that if he should ever decide to frolic with college co-eds, I would have his nuggets on a PLATTER! Heh.)

TexasRed said...

We watched several of the past seasons' episodes here and there, but have cut back watching with the scandals and divorce drama. My husband says it seems too much like their private lives are being exploited now and makes him uncomfortable.

Heather said...

When shows like this are on, I have mixed feelings about our lack of cable TV. I guess it solves any moral dilemmas I might have with the shows if I CAN'T watch.

I do find their story sad. I wish they had stopped the show when they started really having problems. I think reality TV has gone too far. That's not saying I wouldn't watch if I could, but I think that television is getting worse and worse.

Mrs. Chicken said...

I can't watch anymore.

We used to watch it because we identified with raising kids that age, and it seemed like they were really working at it. But then you could see the cracks, and how they treated each other and it got too close to home.

My spouse has divorced parents and those wounds do not close. For anyone. Thinking about all those kids watching this on TV later on ... my heart.

You're so right about this. There but for the grace of God.

Lilly said...

Yes its easy to judge when we are sitting in the safety of our home watching a TV screen. Life is hard you are so right and on the other hand so wonderful too. Great post.

Cristie said...

My friend told me about your blog and this is the first post I read.(I then read a bunch more and you are fantastic!)
I wrote a similar one-albeit a little more questioning-the same day and it's the most comments ever on that blog.
I think this is really hitting home for so many people because it is so real. Marriage is hard-especially when you throw kids in because it's not just about the two of you anymore. I am sorry for both parents, but I really feel sorry for the kids.
Thanks for making us all think.

Kimberly said...

I have never watched that show. I never will watch that show. I do feel for the kids. I hope they find peace OFF of TV.

Alli said...

I found your blog from a comment you left on Heather Spohr's blog...this title caught my eye and I just had to find out what you watched? I couldn't agree with you more on what they are dealing with. I have heard people judge both of them, even in the past before their marriage crumbling, and I remind them that if we were video taped like they are, the public would find things that we say or do to be apalling. None of us are perfect and we have our dark moments. The only, only thing I wish they had done is to go to marriage counseling. Maybe to us that would have shown us that they both tried to save it. Who knows if would have worked, but at least they would have tried.

laurie said...

I haven't been able to watch them for a few years now - I think this show has always been on the brink of being a train wreck (and possibly the producers knew it) and now it is. It makes me so sad. We have two little kids right now and it is hard. It is work. Sometimes when the hubby and I are in the middle of a fight, I tell him, remember, were in the thick of it, and it has to get better. And we both laugh. It takes work from both sides...