Thursday, November 16, 2006

Fudge Lights Now

Life with a toddler can be a bit like playing a drunken game of telephone.

Kee now-gown.
Crup and wed it kee now-gown.

Which of course means:
Arms up.
Arms up.
Kitty night gown.
Come up and wear it, kitty night gown.

These days Briar is learning something new hourly. So yesterday we were sitting at the computer.

Mommy, she says.

Yes, honey.

Mommy, pees leev-un. Pees leev. Wees, pees leev-un.

I looked into her huge blue eyes. What honey? What is it you want.

Pees'n leev-un wees now.

Oh, honey, I don't get it. Show me.

Ees peesn leev-un now, gin.

I was desperate. She was trying so hard to communicate, but god help me it made no sense. I'd never heard these words and she was looking at me with such trust, anticipating and expecting me to seamlessly satisfy her request. Her lashes quivering just above those eyes that are the exact color of a sunny January morning sky. I can do this. I must do this.

What do you want, honey?


No, what do you want to watch?


Do you want Hips Don't Lie?

Fudge lights.

Ok, I'll put on Hips Don't Lie.

No, mommy. No want it Fudge Lights.

You don't want Hips Don't Lie? Ok, then what do you want?


Brair. Honey, you gotta tell mommy which one?


No, baby, show me.

Show you


Nothing. She made no move, she just looked at me with a "Thank you mommy. I know you can do it." faith.

Ok. How about Broken Stuff? (Invincible by O.K. Go)


Running in Blankets (Suddenly I See- KT Tunstall)

Mommy? Now? Please?

Sweet Jesus what does she want now? I can't...I don't..ummm, stall, stall.

You want some cheese?

No, mommy. Eees peesen leevum.

What is that?


Give me patience lord.

Is it this one?


Briar, honey.

Different. Pees leevem.

She's beginning to look panicked. I know I feel panicked.

Peeses...what the hell?

Mommy, now please?

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh mommy.

Mommy got it, Briar. You want the Pieces? Leave the Pieces? (Shaky singing:And it's all right, I'll be fine. Don't worry about this heart of mine just take your love and hit the road...)

K, mommy. Peeses leevum.

Yeah. Leave the Pieces.

Yeah. ya ya ya.

And so we sang along to the Wreckers.

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go.
Baby it aint fair ya know
to just keep me hangin' round,
you say you don't wanna hurt me,
you don't wanna see my tears.
So why are you still standin' here
just watchin' me drown?

And it's all right yeah I'll be fine don't worry bout' this heart of mine. Just take your love and hit the road, there's nothing you can do or say you're gonna break my heart anyway. So just leave the pieces when you go.

Now you can drag out the heartache
baby you could make it quick,
really get it over with
and just let me move on.

Don't concern yourself
with this mess you left for me,
I can clean it up you see
just as long as you're gone.


You not makin' up your mind
is killin' me and wasting time.
I need so much more than that.
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

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