About a week ago our sitter noted that Briar had a yeast infection, which was followed 3 days later by intense vomiting, which in turn was followed by a low grade fever which graduated to a true fever, 102.7. Now, with each phase of this, our first illness with Briar, the heat and humidity have gone up apace. It's undeniably miserable and oppressive under even the best health conditions. It seems cruelly unjust for a little person to be entering a third day of fever in this heat. We've been to the doctor once and spoken with the phone nurse twice. I imagine it must be awful to be a nurse, first you see little one after little one being sick and in between those visits you are dealing with parents who have every right to be panicked even though you know their child is just fighting a virus and will be ok. Having to walk that line between dispensing medical advice (As long as she is drinking, peeing, and sleeping the fever is fine), soothing their nerves, and respecting their concern has got to be hard. I think I am doing pretty well at not freaking out completely. Sean has been great, helping us with tepid baths, keeping me calm, monitoring her temp and saying that sick ones get to sleep in bed with their parents. I am home with Briar at my employer's behest.
"She's got a fever? 102? (pause) Go Home."
"Well, I..."
"Go Home. This is what you get the days for, no one even uses them. Go home." Then he coochie cooed at her as he tickled her feet. She of course smiled. Briar is joy and sunlight personified even when sick.
I'll have to do another entry at some point about the moment when you realize that you are not going to do it all perfect. I knew I'd make mistakes, be unable to fight certain patterns or unavoidable realities of parenting. It's too hot and too new to talk about. Bottom line is Briar is fine.
It's kind of amazing, we are given these incredible, miraculous, fragile, vulnerable and helpless little creatures. They depend on us for everything, and yet they teach us so much and they somehow survive, endure, accept and forgive our foibles, shortcomings and ignorance. Teaching us so much. I guess not only do you spend your whole life trying to provide for them, but also to prove that you are worthy of them.
*Crying*
God I just love her so much. Just when I think I have plateaued and am beginning an easy coast with the occasional curve
- BOOM -
I get totally blindsided by it. I see how precious life is, how short it is. Then I see how with a baby or child, they help you to experience moments so richly that time slows down, even though the year is flying by, you get one day, or one afternoon, when you can feel the memories of each moment setting in your soul, promising to nourish you through your life.
I must say again, she is the greatest thing I have ever done, the most wonderful person I have ever know, and the greatest lesson I will ever learn.
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